What is your favorite rule of the Church of Satan?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_Satan#The_Eleven_Satanic_Rules_of_the_Earth

For me number 5 is the most hilarious. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal?? That sounds as hard to follow as a fellow Catholic would find "No sex before marriage" to be. Obviously, no pure Satanist can take it seriously. Imagine you're pure to your faith because you have the devil inside and your Church makes up rule number 5 and asks you to control your lust. It's almost saying "Ban Rape" from your life. It's such a preposterously Christian thing to ask, it's so preposterous it's not even funny.

I think the Church needs to change rule number 5, because it sounds so 999-like. Suspicion is high that the Church has been infiltrated by Christian guerrillas determined to humiliate and destroy the Devil and his legacy. I propose the following variations to give it more of a 69er spin and a nasty breath of hell...

5=999. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal

699. Give the mating signal yourself before you make missionary sexual advances to a member of the opposite Church

669. Give the mating signal yourself before you make all kinds of sexual advances to any member, non-member or dismembered person of any Church

666. You don't have to give or receive any mating signal in order to make all kinds of nasty sexual advances you so darkly desire to anyone you so lustfully desire

That sounds more like a rule written for the Church of Satan. The letter of the rule clearly follows and animates the spirit of the Devil! It's also non-discriminatory, Satanically-correct and designed to lust forever!

I like it better already even though I'm not a versed member of the Church of Satan (proud member of the Church of Someone's-Laughing-at-You).

Help the Church of Satan by picking your favorite from the list and give it The Devil's Spin. May Hell treat your soul with Mercy (lol)

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The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, please examine carefully:

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

3. When in another's lair, show them respect or else do not go there.

4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat them cruelly and without mercy.

5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and they cry out to be relieved.

7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

9. Do not harm little children.

10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they don't stop, destroy them.

http://www.thinkaloo.com