If your leader is a clown, is your country a circus?

I used to find it disturbing that a country's Prime Minister is subjected to 2,500 court hearings on charges of bribery and corruption but's never convicted. After reading Berlusconi's latest clown statements I changed my mind. I realize there are some things in a leader money can't buy that are worse than bribery, worse than corruption, worse than what he claims are false accusations of bribery and corruption. Delusions of grandeur is the vice I'm speaking of. Berlusconi just told us he is The Best Prime Minister in human history boasting, among his other well-known "priceless" vices, paying more than 200 million Euros over the years in consultant fees and...Judges(!!)

Need he slip more? I don't think so. And the Oscar for best Honest Clown performance goes to.....Signore Berlusconi!!

Dear Clown Prime Minister of Italy,

As your private banker/secret conduit to impartial justice and unbiased judges, I must warn you. If Unlimited Currency bailed you out all those years, Unlimited Arrogance is the currency to bail you "in" this time. Are you sure you don't want to go back conducting your transactions in Euro? It might be a very wise thing to do. Those fat-cat judges will be better fed in Euro than in your own hard-to-exchange clowrrency.

Dear Desperate PM-Clown of Italy,

Speaking on behalf of the same mankind you speak on behalf of in reference to yourself, please be happy to know that there's Never(!) existed any other clown leader as honest as you. So honest about your own bribery practices that your people follow your lead wherever they go.

10 French troops died at the hands of the Taliban in Afghanistan in August 2008. They died needlessly because the Italians who were stationed there prior to the French troops taking over were bribing the insurgents not to cause trouble. When they switched control, they failed to inform the French troops. As a result, when the French moved into the Sarobi area near Kabul and the protection payments stopped, the Taliban struck, killed them and then mutilated them.

Who's to blame the Italian troops for the actual act of bribery when the Prime Minister in charge of the country brags about giving 200 million Euros in bribes? Everyone in the clown movement knows no bribery is more innocent and justified than the one carried out by the Prime Minister. Why? Because he didn't fail to inform the public before it was too late. Silvio came clean. The Italian army never admitted to the practice until Americans intercepted a call where the unsuspecting Italians talked about the bribes to the Taliban.

History will make note of Berlusconi's coming honest about his dirty work, something his troops failed to do with disastrous consequences. Rest assured that so long as Berlusconi keeps his payments in Euros, history will "judge" him positively.

If bribery wasn't so lethal as was the case in Afghanistan, it would have been tremendously entertaining to contemplate it. When I say entertaining, I mean entertaining as in spending an evening at the circus or something clowny to that effect. Since I seem to be seriously contemplating the whole thing, why don't I check when Circo Medrano comes to town next? Their reputation is quite good I hear.

Until justice is served, I think I want to save my applause and cheers for when Italy's real clowns come to my town. If it wasn't for those 10 French troops dying in Afghanistan, these bribery affairs wouldn't have been so disturbing.

Why does French naivete have to spoil all that circus fun??

And what the hell are we doing sending multinational troops in Afghanistan to kill when the Italians can do a much better job bribing everyone out?

Something tells me that if we let Afghanistan in Italian hands, we'll soon see foreign leaders making state visits with full-scale parades and all that pomp. Not a bomb dropped, not a drop of blood spilled.

Who knows, if we all agree to put Berlusconi in charge of disbursing the payments, the Taliban could agree for a photo-opp with Osama bin Laden as part of the protocol. If you know how to bribe, nothing's too impossible it seems.

So I seriously worry now, why do we need the Americans bombing and killing and missiling the bribe-hangry Taliban when the Italians can give the people what they really want, restore peace, security and economic development and do all that without a blink?

Sounds too preposterous to say but the antidote to the Taliban might very well be sending Medrano in Kabul.

Think about it next time the Circo visits your town. Seriously, think about it!

http://www.thinkaloo.com