Euro-English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl...

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funny ads

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

Nice Parachute! Never opened. Used once.

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Fart Up your tires!!

This posting requires that you picture it as you read. Keep your nose open too. Now imagine you could use your farts to inflate your car tires. Imagine a pipe wired into the seat with an opening on the seat's surface to carry the hot gas inside.

If the gas doesn't exit fast enough or with enough force a small pump can help suck it into the tires.

On the plus side a patent like this eliminates the need to open the window of your car to ventilate the space inside and helps avoid embarrassment if others are in it as well.

The air pressure inside the tires always stays at the right amount which keeps the car in better balance.

And if the idea works well in cars it can be scaled next to buses and planes where the higher and more diverse the supply of gas the better the condition of the tires inside!

Before you get used to picturing this too much, let's see how much humor you can handle.

Say you're going to use this system in the future for your car. That by itself would mean you must have a good sense of humor. So why not display it with some kind of writing on the tires?

As you can see in the photos on the right, I made up four slogans you can put on your tires. Which one do you think better describes what will be happening inside your tires?

Vote Now!
:)

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What's so funny it's not even funny?

When people say, "I'm so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it be funny in the first place? Unless someone is laughing, it's not even funny. It's odd. Say you're really funny and can make people lol with what you say then it's probably ok to say "Oh I'm so funny it's not even funny anymore".

But it sounds odd that's why you won't hear people say it. Is your mind getting a bit funny with this? Mine is. If I keep going, it'll make your head hurt so much it's not even funny...arrrrgh! Can something be so funny that it's not even funny?

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i don't care if you think it's not funny

why do some people think that for a joke to be funny both sides have to find it funny? if you only laugh with jokes on other people but get upset when someone plays a joke on you, then you don't have a good sense of humor. a good sense of humor means that you can accept a joke played on you as funny. when comedians make fun of celebrities and we find it funny, it's not that we expect celebrities to approve the jokes before they're made. my definition for a joke to be funny is when, at minimum, third-parties find it funny. both parties involved don't have to always find it funny.

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Meet Da Pirates

Finally, some 'smart' pirates over in Somalia have bought laptops and an internet connection and are reading JackSparrow on the loo! Finally, they are following JackSparrow's advice to dress better in order to make the world more sympathetic to their plight. But instead of picking Hollywood to do their PR as I advised, those fools chose the White House. They got so afraid The Bro in Da Houz would tax them, they dressed up and rushed to negotiate lower taxes on their bounty. I can almost hear this Somali pirambassador asking Obama, "Arrr...Don't tax me bro and I'll hook to the law." You never know with a pirate if he means The Law of the Sea or the Law of Pirasea but The Bro knows very well what he is up to!

Those Somali pirates are letting me down. I suggested they meet with the head of Warner Bros in Hollywood and they are meeting with The Bro in Da Houz? They think they can discuss maritime strategy with him and win him over?? Fools! BarRRAck will wench you hooks down before you can say aRrrrrrr..igato. The Bro in Da Houz is not a Bush Walker, what on earth do these Somalis think they're doing meeting The Bro in full costume, without preconditions and without my knowledge and permission??

The Bro in Da Houz is a transformative President you fools, if not a Transformer himself. He already got a dog for his daughters and a bloodhound parrot to help him regulate pirasea. You fools, he'll make you repeat after him and have you sing Arr N B like no pirate ever did. Before you know it, you'll find yourselves staging ballet shows on Broadway to highlight your plight with elegance and gay finesse. The Bro will have successfully transformed you into the entertainment trouperie of So Ma Lee.

No offense to gay people, ballet enthusiasts or parrot lovers, but for a Somali pirate, dancing ballet on the mast will be the only strategy Obama's parrot will agree to not regulate. It might be the only skill they'll ever practice trying to confuse navy seals into thinking they have the wrong ship on tarRRRget. You fools, do you have the slightest idea how good you mast learn how to dance in order to save your aRrrrrse from US navy seals who are so well trained at shooting pirates in the eye from a distance? Why do you think pirates cover their eyes with a black patch, you fools you think it's just Halloween huh...

Yarr, I will be so worried if I learn that this Somali pirambassador accepts a parrot as a gift from Obama. After the Queen got an Ipod and a hug, the minimum I will advise to accept from the Bro is The Black PeaRrrrl and the geaRrrl.

I am so worried about these Somali Pirates. Their days will soon be over after this meeting. May it be some solace to a pirate's heart that JackSparrow will still talk to them from the loo. With so much black bounty yet to be taxed, Obama asked me, in secret, to intervene. Everyone knows JackSparrow is a generous man and will not let the pirates down...yarrr yarrr, yes JackSparrow will use the bounty to train the next generation of So Ma Lee para-troupers in the Caribbean camps before he sends them to Hollywood for casting on his next big hit!

Next time I am asked to lobby The Bro in Da White House on behalf of World Wide Pirasea, I will expect a very generous retainer though. When a President has a good sense of humor, it's hard to outsmart him unless you are Da Real JackSparrow he is dealing with...

And that my fellow Somali pirates, in case you were thinking you can get away with some ballet on the mast, won't happen until you shake that booty.

JackSparrow's services are must-worthy and they will cost you more than a cheap pirate's costume and a photo opp with Obama.

You bet!

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What do women like more in a man?

Some men wish they looked better but don't realize that women fall easier to sharp wit and a good sense of humor. Why don't these statistics get published? Wit or humor is not necessarily related to intelligence or knowledge which take years in college to acquire. It's all about training and practice. Men make the mistake to spend too much time at the gym pumping up muscles.

Why not pump up muscles and wit in a gym? A sports gym that promises to train wit and muscles would be value for men's money, time and acuMen. Would women support this initiative?

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Pizza Box Advertising!

Did you know that companies in the US run ads inside the cover of pizza boxes?? I didn't know until I saw it myself while visiting the US. I thought it is a smart idea. When I searched online about it I came across some weird advertising like the one in the photo you see here. This is creative but a bit extreme and risky. Some people might feel disgusted despite the humor and not order pizza from that place any more. The concept is creative and even if I had no cockroaches in my place I would still call the guy to congratulate him for the ad.

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Thought Constipation!

This thought was posted on Thinkaloo on 29 February 2008 by member jim

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Can't think of a better way to describe the feeling. If your thoughts don't come out easy, maybe it's a good idea to spray the exit a little...