Priests can be funny

On a radio phone-in, a lady called the radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who had that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind so much being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed." The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," he said. "Then tell them 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt' "!

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Euro-English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl...

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funny ads

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

Nice Parachute! Never opened. Used once.

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What's so funny it's not even funny?

When people say, "I'm so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it be funny in the first place? Unless someone is laughing, it's not even funny. It's odd. Say you're really funny and can make people lol with what you say then it's probably ok to say "Oh I'm so funny it's not even funny anymore".

But it sounds odd that's why you won't hear people say it. Is your mind getting a bit funny with this? Mine is. If I keep going, it'll make your head hurt so much it's not even funny...arrrrgh! Can something be so funny that it's not even funny?

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i don't care if you think it's not funny

why do some people think that for a joke to be funny both sides have to find it funny? if you only laugh with jokes on other people but get upset when someone plays a joke on you, then you don't have a good sense of humor. a good sense of humor means that you can accept a joke played on you as funny. when comedians make fun of celebrities and we find it funny, it's not that we expect celebrities to approve the jokes before they're made. my definition for a joke to be funny is when, at minimum, third-parties find it funny. both parties involved don't have to always find it funny.

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Ridiculous way to monitor weight

What can be more ridiculous than a weight monitor chair that beeps, vibrates, cracks, moans or otherwise improvises its frustration with every new bite that adds a few extra unwelcome grams to your total weight. Basically, you sit on the chair to eat your lunch/dinner. The chair measures your weight before you indulge your appetite. 90 kilos. Right! Why don't you have a few more bites? 90.5 kilos, Silence..91, beep..91.2, small vibrations..91.5, cracking sounds, 92..loud moans..93, all modes of frustration-expression set loose..100, chair breaks down..there can be many ridiculous ways to lose weight, but few funnier than the one of which I speak. I rest my case..

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Good logic, Crap logic, same thing?

It is said, 'When people are short of ideas, they are full of crap'. I don't know about you, but from my experience that's generally true. We know that it's also an axiom of logic that, 'if A then B, then if not B not A'. Reasoning logically, we can thus infer that, 'When people can't crap, they are full of ideas.' And I have been constipating for 3 days now and that's the best crap I can come up with? Why doesn't logic work when it comes to crap?

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Smart undies

I'm all in favor of smart underwear for both men and women that play messages depending on what you do with them. For example, if the girl is too early in removing it she can be told "Missile not ready for launch yet" or when the guy removes hers "Put on a condom NOW!"

Of course, with the rise of artificial intelligence there is no need to stop with simple messages. Once the ice is broken one's underpants can become a good friend giving advice on the latest theater productions, advising on political choices, tackle bedsores, warning when one's children need looking after and, of course, comforting one in time of trial and stress. When the underpants become aware of the web, it can participate in all sorts of networking since, on the net, no-one knows you are a pair of underpants :-)

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Better Looking Women

I thought a poll of this kind will be very useful to all men and women! French women are like men..short hair and not at all sexy..Italian are fashion victims and have ugly faces, also a lot of hair everywhere!.. Brazilians must go on a diet and Turkish have too dark skin..Spanish are ok but a kind of hysterical personalities! So we are left with Greek women...they have it all! and they are not slut just 2 sexy compared to everybody! haha.

Turkish women don't only have very very nice dark skin, they are also better at sex than Greek women and they will go ALL the way to please the man, worship him like Allah!!! Greek women are Very hairy and Think they are better at sex. I vote for Turkish women even though I am Greek.

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Lucky You suggestions

Do you know of the Lucky You brand? It's a cool girls jeans brand. When you zip the fly down there is a funny message printed on the inside of the zipper. I would suggest to sell female underwear along with the jeans and attach silk wings along the line of the g-string with funny messages printed on them. The idea is to have both the front and back end covered and sell the underwear together with the jeans. Check the 2nd photo to see what I mean.

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Thought Constipation!

This thought was posted on Thinkaloo on 29 February 2008 by member jim

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Can't think of a better way to describe the feeling. If your thoughts don't come out easy, maybe it's a good idea to spray the exit a little...