How to improve literacy in America

How about passing a law that makes granting a driver's licence to a teenager conditional on finishing high school on a good grade? No diploma, no licence. Just a thought.

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The 'letter of the law'

Last year, they passed a law in California to make it illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving. This year they made it illegal to text. Thank God I can still check email and comments on people's facebook pages. I love you so much 'letter of the law'. The world's a much safer place now!

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Meet Da Pirates

Finally, some 'smart' pirates over in Somalia have bought laptops and an internet connection and are reading JackSparrow on the loo! Finally, they are following JackSparrow's advice to dress better in order to make the world more sympathetic to their plight. But instead of picking Hollywood to do their PR as I advised, those fools chose the White House. They got so afraid The Bro in Da Houz would tax them, they dressed up and rushed to negotiate lower taxes on their bounty. I can almost hear this Somali pirambassador asking Obama, "Arrr...Don't tax me bro and I'll hook to the law." You never know with a pirate if he means The Law of the Sea or the Law of Pirasea but The Bro knows very well what he is up to!

Those Somali pirates are letting me down. I suggested they meet with the head of Warner Bros in Hollywood and they are meeting with The Bro in Da Houz? They think they can discuss maritime strategy with him and win him over?? Fools! BarRRAck will wench you hooks down before you can say aRrrrrrr..igato. The Bro in Da Houz is not a Bush Walker, what on earth do these Somalis think they're doing meeting The Bro in full costume, without preconditions and without my knowledge and permission??

The Bro in Da Houz is a transformative President you fools, if not a Transformer himself. He already got a dog for his daughters and a bloodhound parrot to help him regulate pirasea. You fools, he'll make you repeat after him and have you sing Arr N B like no pirate ever did. Before you know it, you'll find yourselves staging ballet shows on Broadway to highlight your plight with elegance and gay finesse. The Bro will have successfully transformed you into the entertainment trouperie of So Ma Lee.

No offense to gay people, ballet enthusiasts or parrot lovers, but for a Somali pirate, dancing ballet on the mast will be the only strategy Obama's parrot will agree to not regulate. It might be the only skill they'll ever practice trying to confuse navy seals into thinking they have the wrong ship on tarRRRget. You fools, do you have the slightest idea how good you mast learn how to dance in order to save your aRrrrrse from US navy seals who are so well trained at shooting pirates in the eye from a distance? Why do you think pirates cover their eyes with a black patch, you fools you think it's just Halloween huh...

Yarr, I will be so worried if I learn that this Somali pirambassador accepts a parrot as a gift from Obama. After the Queen got an Ipod and a hug, the minimum I will advise to accept from the Bro is The Black PeaRrrrl and the geaRrrl.

I am so worried about these Somali Pirates. Their days will soon be over after this meeting. May it be some solace to a pirate's heart that JackSparrow will still talk to them from the loo. With so much black bounty yet to be taxed, Obama asked me, in secret, to intervene. Everyone knows JackSparrow is a generous man and will not let the pirates down...yarrr yarrr, yes JackSparrow will use the bounty to train the next generation of So Ma Lee para-troupers in the Caribbean camps before he sends them to Hollywood for casting on his next big hit!

Next time I am asked to lobby The Bro in Da White House on behalf of World Wide Pirasea, I will expect a very generous retainer though. When a President has a good sense of humor, it's hard to outsmart him unless you are Da Real JackSparrow he is dealing with...

And that my fellow Somali pirates, in case you were thinking you can get away with some ballet on the mast, won't happen until you shake that booty.

JackSparrow's services are must-worthy and they will cost you more than a cheap pirate's costume and a photo opp with Obama.

You bet!

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Do I look fat?

Why am I always asked this question by girls who are much thinner than me? Why do I have to look as if I'm the one with the fat when I'm quite slim for my height? Why don't these fat-obsessed skinny girls stop asking Me this question? Every time they ask me, I look myself in the mirror after. I don't want to but I tend to. If I have a bad day I tell them they put on weight. I don't want to be mean but I can't help it. If I must be asked, I just wish it was done by someone who is not thinner than me. What are the chances that I'll be asked by someone with serious fat issues? None so far...

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Are YOU good at reading human nature correct?

A new law effective immediately dictates that any criminal/illegal activity by any professional in an industry automatically results in uniform salary reduction for everyone. The money is put in a trust fund to be used as compensation to the victim(s). Everyone shares the financial pain equally so there is strong incentive to enforce strict discipline from within (police abuse, ponzi schemes etc). After a year data shows a sharp decline in criminal/illegal activity. Which do you think took place? More self-discipline? Or more cover up??

http://www.thinkaloo.com

Are YOU good at reading human nature correct?

A new law effective immediately dictates that any criminal/illegal activity by any professional in an industry automatically results in uniform salary reduction for everyone. The money is put in a trust fund to be used as compensation to the victim(s). Everyone shares the financial pain equally so there is strong incentive to enforce strict discipline from within (police abuse, ponzi schemes etc). After a year data shows a sharp decline in criminal/illegal activity. Which do you think took place? More self-discipline? Or more cover up??

http://www.thinkaloo.com

Profit margin on display

Do you think it would be fair game to require companies to label along with the price of a product the profit margin they make out of it? I wonder how such practice would alter shopping behavior and in turn pricing of products. For example, would you consider not buying a favorite product because you thought the profit margin the company makes is too high compared to what others make even though you have no problem with the price? By the same token, would you consider buying the most expensive product in the shelf if it had the lowest profit margin thinking the company is honest in reporting the true cost of making it?

http://www.thinkaloo.com

The GIA Bill of Regulations

How about we name the new laws that will be drafted to regulate the financial system in the US as the GIA Bill of Regulations? GIA will be the reverse of AIG's initials. The innovation in the acronym will be its dual use and multiple i-substitutes. How you read out GIA will depend on how effective the new laws will be in containing future greed and irresponsibility. If the GIA Bill of Regulations fails to restrain gambling and irresponsible risk, people can refer to it as Grow Irresponsibly America. The adverb 'Irresponsibly' can be substituted by any such words as illegitimately, illegally, insanely, inscrutably, incomprehensibly, idiotically, inattentively, ill-advisedly etc.

On the other hand, if the bill produces a stable, well-regulated financial system, people can refer to it as Grow Intelligently America with such i-substitutes as intelligently, insightfully, ideally, indefatigably, impressively etc. The name of the agency that will supervise the laws will be called, what else, Greed Intelligence Agency.

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