W.C. Feng Shui

Public toilets in most places are crap but there's an easy way to make some things in them more functional. You will receive the opposite of your iQ, a positive Qi as they call it in Feng Sui, if you place toilet paper in the door handle right in front of you rather than have it on the side or in the back. If Feng Shui is about arranging objects to help people achieve their goals, this is a master arrangement. Just make sure there's enough space between the door and the handle so that the toilet paper rolls smoothly. It's also handy if someone calls you and you need to take notes in a piece of paper :D

For better results also practice these ancient words of wisdom. Speak them loud as the crap sinks below.

Ba Zhai Crap Wu Xing Shit Baqua Flash Zuan Kong Fei Sink King Kong

These proven words will guarantee you more crap, better toilet paper use and they'll make your experience in the shit hole a mystery to others!

http://www.thinkaloo.com

print media are suckers

they whine about losing business to GOOGLE and online media. NOBODY wants to buy your papers any more. if you want to stay in the paper business, print your news on toilet paper and distribute it daily to every public and private bathroom for a large discount to regular clean-ass paper. when i don't like what i read i can just wipe my ass with your crap and put it into good use. that's how i like to consume the tons of crap you're selling. i might consider using it to blow my nose too but that's only when you sell me something paperworthy.

http://www.thinkaloo.com

Who do they think they are these bartenders??

They are mere employees, their status no higher than that of the cleaning lady but they act as if they own the place. You stand there waiting to give your order and they ignore you. They pretend to keep order but they serve whoever they want first. When you talk to them to remind them it's your turn, they give you that eat-shit look that says I know but I'll serve you when I want. Then they turn around and serve others, usually girls who came to the bar after. Next time I go to that bar I'll bring my own drinks and ask that lowlife to throw them away for me. That should remind this prick of who he is and what he does. Some bartenders are so full of shit they forget that.

http://www.thinkaloo.com