Shoeraq

After President Bush's apt ducking of two shoes thrown straight at him, the State of Texas announced that a shoe rack will heretofore be called a Shoeraq in memory of the incident and spelled as one word. Those hunting trips Bush took with Dick Cheney in Texas were a hell of a good training. If nothing fatal came out of dodging bullets thrown at him, they sure developed excellent reflexes in Bush. In Iraq, the government decided that the pair of shoes thrown at Bush will be auctioned and the billion dollar proceeds be sent out to GM, Ford and Chrysler as a first bailout handout so that their poor CEOs can fly back to Congress on private jets and ask for more money.

Shoe pride is now high in the Middle East which plans to advertise its shoes as the only ones that can demonstrably and reliably follow a straight throw-line to the individual in target. The boom in shoe exports soon to follow this world-class demonstration is the perfect solution to the desperate need for countries in the Middle East to diversify their oil-based economies and offer traditional new ways for young people there to express themselves.

Within minutes of the incident being reported and with the Pope's blessing, the Holy Shoe Trinity of Ferragamo, Prada and Bruno Magli announced plans to set up shoe manufacturing in Iraq. Unfortunately the shoes that were thrown at Bush were too cheap a brand to be auctioned at Christie's and fetch the trillion dollar amounts needed to bail out the US economy.

The Iraqi government announced that all journalists in Iraq will be given Italian brands to shoeraq freely against foreign dignitaries with an exception made for Carla Bruni because she still is too God-damn pretty and because she was hired to advertise the shoes in a new commercial where she and Sarkozy will be shown quarreling. At some point Carla will take off her shoes and throw them at petit Nicola who being so petit won't have to duck down to avoid the hit. The commercial will close by Carla singing "Some fights you don't wanna miss"

In a show of accord with this gracious decision to exempt Carla from Shoeraq, the Vatican requested that devil-wearing Prada design special protest-shoes with angel wings on the side for use by protesters when new priest-in-child scandals break out. This is how the new design will be used to the Church's favor. By mastering his God-intermediation powers the Pope will animate the wings attached to the shoes turning the shoe-throwing protests into a massive up-the-sky dove-release spectacle. Those protesters who refuse to use the Pope-animated Devil-wears-Prada shoes will be denied a fair hearing postmortem.

Religious-devout Iran who has tremendous spiriticopolitical influence over Iraq also announced that when a persona non grata visits Iraq from a country well-versed in the Satan, female journalists will be invited to attend the press conference. Under special fatwa from resurrect-elect Khomeini, all female journalists present will wear stiletto heels with the clear understanding that they'll use them to Shoeraq the foreign dignitary but not miss him next time.

Finally, fashion-conscious protesters in democracy-born Greece who are in the streets for a second week and bored sick of throwing rocks and Molotov bombs to the police are inspired anew by Shoeraq and vow to compete head-on with the Middle East on riot publicity. They believe Bush was actually controlled by the CIA and that's why he maneuvered so fast and dodged the shoe. Down with the CIA controlling our leaders they cry. Shoe stores in Athens are busy placing massive orders of Middle East shoes in response to the high demand from angry left-wing protesters who now want to burn down Athens shoe-style.

Don't you just love to read the news Bush makes when he travels abroad? By getting himself into the most unimaginable situations, it helps fire up people's imagination everywhere. By ducking successfully the shoe throw and letting the journalist go free for exercising his freedom of speech, Bush finally unveiled his version of how democracy will spread in the Middle East. I throw guns at you, duck it if you can. You throw shoes at me, I sure duck it well!!

I am ashamed to joke like that but compared to Bush, Obama might end up being a very boring, uneventful and yes here is my shame, less colorful US president...

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Press conferences going Japanese

Following the shoe incident with Bush in Iraq, press conference organizers are thinking of instituting new rules and manners. All participants will be asked to take their shoes off and wear paper-thin slippers. The measure is expected to improve the hygiene and ambience of the press room and make everyone relax and feel more comfortable.

Initially the idea was to ask participants to tie their shoes and hang them on power lines and phone wires outside the venue to give it western-style semantics but the fear this could be interpreted as a gangs-in-town sign or a drug dealer's marking made everyone revise and adopt symbolism-neutral Japanese manners on room hygiene.

I guess the most symbolic and heard-out-loud kind of peaceful protest to a future Bush-style US president, might be to hang shoes from power lines and telephone poles everywhere in town so that the message is visible from everywhere no matter what route the presidential motorcade will take to get in and out of town. It will be a spectacle to remember and the number of shoes hanging in protest a new Guinness world record countries will compete in!

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Modern cinderella car

Wishing-trees, pumpkins, fairy-godmothers, glass slippers, fur boots, stepmother and mean sisters, princes on horses and pigeons. Who needs them anymore.

If the shoe fits, drive it.

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Make regular shoes fit for ice walk

I need little spikes to come out of my shoes when I walk over ice. I don't want to be wearing big boots or add crampons, just my regular shoes. Crampons do the job but don't match my clothes or fit into my high heels. Is it too much to ask for style and ice functionality in a regular shoe?

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Shoe-polish machines in the subway

This thought was posted on Thinkaloo on 29 March 2008 by member atamaga

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I thought of automatic shoe polish offered as a new service inside each train wagon on subways. Small machines installed underneath the surface where the feet rest. Just behind where you seat there is a coin receiver that takes the service charge. Once the coin is dropped the shoe polish machine comes out and polishes your shoes. On a rainy day to work, that would be a great service to offer while you sit!

Retrace your steps

This thought was posted on Thinkaloo on 18 March 2008 by member elfecito

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This thought is for people who feel nostalgia when they re-visit a place where they used to live in the past. What if shoe soles can be made to have their own signature - similar to fingerprints - which can be saved invisibly on the ground's surface?

With the help of a laser scanning or other device - similar to banknote counterfeit scanners - the shoe prints would show on the surface when the laser falls on them. This way you could easily see and re-trace the exact steps you made and places you visited years ago.

Such a thing would probably require that the surface of cities, town, villages etc is made from material that can save the shoe prints. Assuming such material can be created, it will also require massive investment to install it. It will probably make more business sense to try it in tourist areas or historic spots.

Wouldn't it be nice if such technology existed and used this way?

Just a thought!